Eagerly I pick up with each hand a paddle
To find still waters as God fights my battles
This time each decision is not a joke
As my heart changes with every stroke
And the enemy charms me with words of fake
False conversions, hats and snakes
And I myself am ready to give
I’ve turned from most everything I live
Yet this one charm holds value the most
It haunts my shadows like a ghost
As land surrounds me – reminder of years
Memories, joy, happiness and tears
Each movement calls attention constantly
Where I am is not where I should be
I’ve read the words – I’ve heard the songs
Yet, why do I feel so all alone
My mind twisted – Emotions in a bind
So I ask God to show me another sign
I battle inside is this question fair?
For it was my sins on the cross he did bare
And I am not worthy of his sacrifice
My past is part of why he paid the price
As the devil whispers lies to my thoughts
“God doesn’t care about your distraught
He’s never cared why even bother
No one even cares – He’s not ‘your father’
You’ve never had one – only a dad
Who never loved you – He was bad
God can’t sit there and tell you what to do
After all that you’ve been through
The pains you’ve endured in this world
Don’t forget you’re ‘just a girl’
Far enough to reach – but not enough to touch
He’s close to men – Women… not so much
Plus, who are you to believe he understands
He did not help you, when you had tiny hands
From a man who held you close – but wrong
Your happiness robbed and innocence gone
Scared and sad – You were all alone
The only brightness you knew of was the SON
I meant, the sun – What are you thinking?
Your life’s half over now without even blinking”
……………………………………..
..Slowly I noticed his words starting to fumble
They overlapped, piled up and started to crumble
They muzzled and muttered further in distance
Until I was in silence and stillness
Left to my thoughts – only to realize
Even the devil sees the SON in his eyes
He is a liar – My sins are in a bed
My soul is renewed – My old flesh, dead
Buried deep down in who I used to be
I am now in the hands of Jesus, eternally
So what do I do now – I don’t know
I have a Saviour – Where do I go?
As I shake my head out of my disbelief
I’ve gotta break from guilt and grief
Then further ahead – I see upon still waters
Signed, TO: A GIRL – NOW MY DAUGHTER
Paddling harder I look to God’s perfection
I move not by obligation but His direction
For what I’ve learned through this all
God never failed OR let me fall
He called my heart – I opened it up
Exposed my wounds – bandaged and cut
Of passed moments -I had to know myself
Of an old stale Bible book on my shelf
I desire every word God says in truth
Not the mirrors of pride from my youth
That once reflected choices made in my vanity
My own man-made puzzle towards Satan’s destiny
I can choose The Way, Truth and Life or
Choose to be without him in afterlife
As the Holy Spirit guides me in confirmation
I paddle towards his sign of declaration
Patiently he awaits as a real father should
With open arms through the fog, thick and woods
And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty. 2 Corinthians 6:18
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